He's sending me out! Sending me out to a place I've never been, never been alone. Then I came to the realization, I'm not alone. It's the same as it was before, yet this time I'm going on a journey not with family or friends but with my King, my Prince. He's taking me to a different place. Yes, a different place in the physical but most importantly a different place spiritually. He's stretching me beyond my own belief. I'm having to place him in a spot that I was so scared to do before. I knew if I placed him where I truly wanted him and knew he needed to be in my heart and in my life he would truly enter into me. I knew that in doing that I would have to loose things I held so dear. Now in this season he has placed me in, I have nothing. Nothing to hold me back, silly things I let get in the way before. Things so not worth my time and effort. I was putting everything of me and all I had into the wrong relationship. I was trying to fill my life with things and people that could never fill the empty stop I had inside my heart. I had this place in me that was empty needing to be filled with love, intimacy, presence and passion. I placed men of the world in this place. It was so easy, they were everywhere groveling at my feet. Each and everyone of them telling me I was the one, the one God made for them. What girl doesn't want that reality, that truth. I kept searching and kept believing the lie of man. How could I find true love like that when I didn't even know who I was? How could I even know what I wanted?
Truth is I didn't and in this moment I still don't have a clear picture of what I want. In a man of the world that is. I found this man, and I'm letting him in even as I sit here and write at an airport in Arizona. I've never let him in like this. I've never craved his touch this much, never. I always thought I did, but now I know what true hunger feels like. I sit here aching for his touch, his voice, his presence to come and fill me. I cry a lot now, not sad tears but tears filled with joy I never knew was in me. It's as if in an instant I feel his hand touch my heart. So much so, a physical manifestation of tears appear. I'm ready to hit the wall, the wall I can stand and tarry before.
I have found truth, truth that satisfies my every aching desire and longing for love, intimacy, presence and passion. I found it in a true love, a true love that will never leave me and will always sustain no matter the wavering of my heart, actions or emotions. He truly loves unconditionally. I'm going after knowledge, the knowledge of his love for me. I want to truly know because it's in that truth that I can love him. All I want is to love him. He is my sustainer of everything. My soul longs for him and nothing else will do. I believe that in my emptiness he will come and fill me. I believe as a sit before his throne and cry out his name he will answer me. I know that no other lover will satisfy me the way he does and when I place him in me and run after intimacy with him he will be my foundation and my true security. He's not an imitation, he is true love. I long for his love, come God, come and rain your love over me and in me that I may poor it out. I want not a little taste, I want a never ending flow. Come burn inside me. I don't want just embers, I want a wild fire that cannot be contained or put out. You are my everything and I'm chasing after you, never to stop no matter the distance.
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